ï»żAnd I think sometimes we look back and say, but we want the family to be the way it used to be.
We want how I was in good shape then, how I felt before.
Welcome back. In this episode, I am here chatting with activist and philanthropist Kristin Andrus. We are talking about such an important topic, how to make an impact. This means how to live your most expansive life instead of being contracted and isolated. We talk about how to avoid loneliness and isolation. We talk about how to gather to make your own impact in your community. And we also talk about her custom framework for discovering how you can make the best impact that is most suitable for you.
But if we're not creating this new way to mother, this new way to be in a marriage, we'll never get to that new, brilliance of who we can be as a woman.
Kristin Andrus, thank you so much for coming on. I'm so happy to have you here. Thank you so much for having me. I'm so impressed by all that you do. Oh. Thank you. Well, this is going to be a really fun and honestly, really important conversation.
Kristin is a local activist and founder of gathering for impact. And today we have a really important topic that we're talking about, and that is having an impact and showing up as women as our best selves and living in a state of expansion and making an impact in that setting.So thank you for being here.
I think one of the reasons this comes up is because a lot of us tend to, as we age, kind of contract, turn into ourselves, and that can lead to loneliness or feeling a little lost, like, I don't know who I am.
I don't know what my place in the world is. Will you expound on that? A little bit of what is that loneliness and what is that? That sense of lost ness that we're talking about?
I think as we go along our life's journey, there's often books. There's often, you know, we talk about the toddler phase and friends are really open and we'll chat about that.
And this is so hard or sleepless nights. And then we kind of get into this middle age and I'm like, where's the books? Why is no one talking about this? Am I the only one feeling this? So I've seen this major gap. You are addressing it directly in your practice, which I love so much. But what I'm generally finding is there's not a lot of places to turn right now, and it's kind of this quiet moment in life where it's like, wait, we used to all be sharing everything that's going on and has gotten a little bit quieter in this stage of life.
Yeah. Yeah, they're just there. There are more and more voices. I think, starting to catch on as we hear about menopause and perimenopause, but there's still not as much talk about the other issues outside of the physical issues in this time of life. So I love that you're bringing it up and bringing it to light with everything you're doing.
Will you expound on that a little bit of what is actually happening here? What is it that you're seeing that you describe as this contraction? Living life in a contracted state? Will you explain what you mean by that and how you see that? Yeah. So what I've seen, whether it's in real life with the friends I have, you know, around the country, or online.
So I have an Instagram community of 90,000 women, which actually, I think gives all of us who are online doing that a look into kind of a theme of how we feel women are feeling about life, how they're reacting to things, what they're worried about because sometimes in daily life, it's one off conversations. We're at the gym with our girlfriends or church or whatever it may be, but online you are hearing from a lot of people all the time.
Yeah. And so what I would say is, like I mentioned earlier, as kids are growing up and they're in elementary school and you're doing playdates and planning things and you're like, I just have to get out of the house because the kids are so little. That's changed. The kids are out of the house or the kids are all in school.
And I think there's been a moment for us and our, you know, could be 30s, 40s, 50s where we have we stop and we think we have a little bit more. And whether you work or not, a little bit more time or talent or treasure or ties that we maybe want to give the world, and we're a little bit isolated, you know, we're not at the playgroups and the playdates and there isn't as much planned because of our kids.
And so we find ourselves maybe at home alone all day and maybe going inward, listening to podcasts and great things.
but letting that fill our time and then realizing our kids aren't feeling that and not looking. By the way, I love podcasts. All I do is a podcast, so that was the wrong thing to say. But my point is, you can lead a very lonely existence once your kids are out of the house.
If you're not trying to expand who you are, this new way of what does this look like for me now? And so I think we kind of go back to the way things have always been, or the way that things have been for a long time in our life, whether it's with kids in the home or the way that our life was.
But we're not really being intense about. We are actually entering a new season of life. You graduated and this is so exciting. What I hear from women is this is daunting. I'm sad. I'm losing kids. I'm, you know, and I'm like, oh my gosh, to me, this is so exciting. You get to recreate and become this whole new woman.
I have to share a quick story, because I think this is interesting when when families form and change, and I had mono between my third and fourth daughter and I was I slept like all day. I could not heal. I ended up going to this healer,
because I and it's not something I would normally do, but I was so desperate and I as I got out, it was a phone call, many years ago, and I kept trying.
I want the old Christine the way Christine was, the way Christine was the way. And she stopped me after probably 30 minutes of this. And she said, you will never heal this way. Who is the new Christine? What does Christine look like after mono? And I think sometimes we look back and say, but we want the family that it the way it used to be.
We want how I was in good shape then, how I felt before. But if we're not creating this new woman, this new way to mother, this new way to be in a marriage, we can't go back to the way things were. And I think if we keep trying to go back to who that was, and I looked good and I felt good, and our family was intact, like, we'll never get to that new, you know, brilliance of who we can be as a woman.
So that's what I see. It's like women are eager to figure it out. But I think in a way, and it's not true. But in a way, women are seeking permission to go out and live a more big and bold and full life, but they're just not sure what to do or how to get started. Gosh, I love so much about this.
I love that you are just a positive and expansive person yourself. I mean, just even hearing about it. You're using such good words about where we're trying to go with this and and expansive and positive and growth. And so I love that because I think especially as a doctor, we often talk about what's wrong, what's wrong, what's wrong.
And so I really
appreciate being pulled out of that to say like, forget what's wrong, let's decide where we want to go. Like, forget about that. I think there's a lot of people who talk about, you know, where you put your attention is where you are. It's whether that was in the past, whether that's in the present or the future, like where you are thinking, where you are focusing, where you were worrying and planning.
That's where you are. That is becoming your life. So if you keep thinking about the past and what what you could have been or should have been or what it was, that's where you're spending your life in the what ifs. And so by thinking more expansive and more growth, then you get to really turn that attention and choose who you want to become.
Yeah. One of the ways that that I think resonates or relates to this is an expression that I've used with patients is this concept of fill your space. This was my life. What year is it? This is my like 2022 word of the year was fill your space. And for me I, I picture that the the we have like this cookie cutter cutout assigned to us in the universe.
And each one of us has one. You don't get a choice or not. When you are, when you are come into existence, then you have this cookie cutter cutout, but you get to choose what to do with that cut out of space and time, and so you can fill it and fill every
nook, and cranny with the essence of you.
You know, with your with your personality, with your skills, with your talents, with your desires. Or you can shrink and contract and live in this little puddle down in the corner. But regardless, that space is yours, so no one's going to come in and fill it. And I think mentally we we do as women deal. So much with this idea of comparison or like wanting to be nice or not wanting to step on other people's toes, or we're supposed to be a certain way, or we should.
All of these things keep us out of the way, right? They keep us small, they keep us contracted. But really, with this idea of filling our space, it it's our space. Either you fill it or no one fills it. And I love that from the idea of the universe and people bringing good things to the world, because it allows us all to come and do our own thing, instead of saying, let's all come and do the same thing, it's saying, you do you.
We need you as your we need your magic. You know we don't need everyone else's, but not yours. So yeah, I love what you're talking about. I love that and it is right in line. I am working on kind of this new roadmap. Yeah. Tell us about this new framework. Based on the idea of every day people come to me and say, I want to be involved.
And you're well known for your activism and involvement in various. Yeah. So a lot, you know, it's I think it's easy to want to be involved in philanthropic things. It's not like I'm running a business and they're like, I want to be involved in your business. So I'm out trying to do good every day, trying to fill gaps, trying to, you know, put people together, do what I can do to save my little part of the world.
And and that's what I feel called to do. But I spent a lot of time trying to
figure that out. And so I love your idea of that cookie cutter and and all of that. But I think you almost have to take five steps back because women are like, I love that. You're right. So what am I supposed to fill it with?
Yeah, what am I supposed to do? And so I have this this, framework that actually helps women. And if you don't mind, I'd love to take a minute, because I think sometimes you need those, like, tangible things. And if you have a pen and paper you can write down or take notes in your phone. But I think half the problem is women are like, I don't know what I like anymore.
I don't know what I care about anymore. I've been taking care my kids. I've been so busy with work that who am I and what are my passions. And so when I'm when I'm talking about making impact, and I think making about you through a business makes so much impact. Our, you know, we have a business, Traeger Girls, we're making impact hopefully with people cooking together in their family.
So it's not I'm not just talking about, you know, community activism or anything like that. So I want you to think about this in any way that you want to make impact in your life. And when I talk about, you know, philanthropy or charity work, it's not about money. And so when I do talk about service and stuff, but I money is like the least interesting thing I think about that it's really that we want purpose and we want to make impact.
And I think everyone listening is like, yes, I'm in. Yeah, but how do I how do I do it? Like what's even the first step. And so the first thing that I would have you ask yourself, and I think it's good to do this on your own and then maybe bring your family in, because I think it's interesting to see, like alone, what we are interested in.
And then when you're ready to kind of bring your family in. But what do I value? Like if I, if people come and say, I want to volunteer, I want to do this. And I ask them, what do you value? Do you value service in your family? Do you value like what do you or your family value? And then what does your behavior look like?
So if you're like, I value service, I want to show up in my community. And I'm like, when's the last time you volunteered? What does the behavior look like? So looking at what we value, balancing that with what is our behavior look like, putting those in line is really important. Now, we're not going to make impact in any way that thing that we don't value.
So make sure that it's something that you're like, I do value this like I think I want it, but in the end I don't value it. Don't don't follow that. The next thing I would ask is what am I passionate about? And I'm going to use it kind of in more of like a charitable service way. So it's was I raised by a single mom?
Do I have a family member? You're struggling with substance abuse or addiction? What is something that maybe affects me that I really care about, that I want to show up and try to make some kind of impact in the world. You know, we have a lot of things that affect us. Or is there something like refugees in my community or, you know, water or energy, like, is there is there something in this world that I actually just inherently care about?
Because I'm I'm fascinated by it. I'm interested in it. I'm curious about it. And so what am I passionate about? And what I would ask you is start following that. Let it take time. What if in the next, you know, I imagine you went through this like, what do I care about? What am I passionate about? And I'm going to follow this through if it takes a year or three years or five years, let it.
Because the joy is in the journey of figuring out and the curiosity. And that's expansion, right? Contraction is like, this is what I do. This is how I've always done it. Expansion is I'm curious. I'm reading. I'm listening to podcasts. I started getting this newsletter, I saw this opportunity on Instagram and I'm going to show up. So what am I passionate about that I want to go and make impact about?
So, so just asking ourselves that question, we're asking kids, it's so fun to sometimes say, if you had $5, who would you give it to? You know what? You know, primary Children's hospital. Maybe there's so many issues that we can care about mental and emotional wellness. I mean, what you're doing is exactly this. And and you're following that.
And then the next is and I've come up with this question. I don't know if you're able to attach it, but,
it's giving personalities that what I noticed is all of us make impact. You have a very particular way that you make impact in your business. It may not be the way that if I came in and did it, it would look very different.
And so I have a friend in South Jordan, Utah that is working on mountain bike trails, like thank goodness they are working on mountain bike trails where they live, because I will never do that right. I have friends that are working on massive statewide change to to get things done. Thank goodness they are. Yeah, I have friends who are doing a local coat drive right.
Or mentoring one on one. A student in the fifth grade. So those are all different types of giving precise. And I have nine different giving personalities infrastructure, enhancer, mentor, teacher, change agent which I think allows women to see themselves like, I don't have to do it like Mallorie. I don't have to do it like Kristin. I'm not going to bring 300 people together for a lunch.
Yeah, I don't like a lot of people, you know, like, I look at my dad, who is an incredible mentor, teacher, and for his whole life, he's never going to have 50 people at our house for lunch. But he is constantly going to be guiding and teaching one on one, and that's how he should be making impact. Yeah, but I think we think, as you mentioned, look at her strength.
Look at what she's good at. And then we look at our weaknesses. I'm actually pretty darn good at looking at my strengths and then just building and building and building from there. I am never going to spend time I probably should like. I'm really not good at this. I should work on it. I like just push that to the side.
I'm like, I am a gatherer. I'm a convener gatherer, right? I'm a truth seeker. And so I am going to continue to spend time on that, looking at what I'm passionate about. So it's really fun to give ourselves a freedom to say, oh my gosh, that's why every time the sign up comes for the coat drive, I'm not interested because I'm not supposed to be gathering quotes, right?
I'm supposed to be showing up this nonprofit and and helping in this way. And when we see ourselves in who we really are and using our strengths. And then the last thing I'll say is that there's a lot more to it. But sitting down and taking in what and whatever you're about to do, whether you're embarking on a career path or trying to make impact in the community through philanthropy or anything, is to write down a strengths and resource inventory.
And I did this once kind of by default.
It was during 2020 during, you know, race relations and all of that and around Black Lives Matter. And I was like, I actually really care about this. And I wrote down what, what access to what? Like I have a backyard. I have like I wrote down my strengths and resources.
I know Instagram influencers that might want to come. So whatever you're doing, it could be that you're a mom and you're like, I'm going to write down my strengths and resources. We have a great park nearby. I'm not great sitting on the floor playing Legos, and I wasn't, but I'm a really good mom, one on one. So I got to do more one on one with my kids.
But writing down your strengths and resources and then using that to make impact in your family, in your home, in your school, in your community, because that is what you have at your fingertips to change the world. Once again, this isn't about money. This is about who you are, who your personality is, that shines through in a unique way, using your skills and talents to make impact and find purpose in your little part of the world.
It doesn't have to be big this smallest acts of kindness, the smallest little things that we do, actually change the world
and get you out of that, you know, going inward and expand you. It could be a one day, you know, a one conversation with one friend that just expands you. So it's different for all of us. And I think allowing us to say it looks different for all of us is really, really important.
Oh my gosh, my brain is going crazy right now because I have so much that I love about that. And so I hope people will go back and just listen to that all again. There's so many good things there. And I do want to focus on on a couple things. One of them in particular is because I'm a, you know, health and wellness nerd.
I talk a lot about fight or flight and the nervous system. And one really fascinating part about the nervous system. And I'll, I promise I'll bring this back, is that when we are in fight or flight, our brain shuts down. Curiosity and problem solving and doing math and even observation of like, curious observation. It makes us incapable of being in that mindset, and instead it puts us in to solve this problem, right?
Escape this tiger, run. Stay alive. And one of the things that I think makes this so difficult for women is that when we live in fight or flight, we literally cannot do very well what you're talking about. And so then I think it creates this perpetual feeling of loneliness or isolation or feeling lost because you're like, I don't know what to do.
I don't know what to do. I don't I don't know how to make an impact. I'll never be like her. I'll never do it her way. I'll never be good enough. And so just a plea for, like, spend some time breathing and see if you can get out of fight or flight. And there's. I've lots of other episodes talking about that, but just kind of connecting those dots of when we come out of fight or flight, our brain works differently and it actually starts to be curious.
And so then going down these list, this framework that you that you mentioned and created, this idea of what do you value, what is your behavior, what are you passionate about? You can't do that if you're stuck in survival mode only. Oh, that I didn't know that. That is so good to know. Yeah, it's totally true. But it also the fight or flight shuts us down and loses some of our light.
It loses some of our passion. Because all you can do is keep your head above water. And there's a time and season for that, right? This this idea of looking for impact and looking to expand is not if you're already feeling like you're you're just about drowning. This may not be the right time to go down this road, right?
Although maybe if you feel cold, it is. And that's what's going to help you. Undrawn, right? Yeah. But for this purpose of this conversation, if you can get yourself out of fight or flight and then turn to these things of what are you passionate about? What do you value when need people to be innovative? And that's another thing that really spoke to me with what you were saying is so many women see themselves as living in their own little corner of the world, right?
Yeah. It's my job to take care of my kids, take, you know, be a good wife and have a job, do well at that career. But it all kind of starts feeling predictable and maybe limiting and like, we're we're stuck in a little box of who we are. And this is really saying we need all women to innovate, even in your tiny little space, even in your tiny little cookie cutter of the world.
We need you, Kristin, and we need you, Mallorie. And we need you, Susan, you know? Yeah, we need you to be you and to innovate within you. Because otherwise, who's going to innovate that that new idea and I think we cut ourselves. We sell ourselves short when we don't realize how good we are as women at solving problems and coming up with creative solutions.
If you have children, you do it all day, every day. Like, yes, how can I sing a song? So you will let me brush your teeth, right? Like you come up with ridiculous concepts all day, every day and you get to use that to then help your own little corner of the world and to help solve problems. And I loved what you said about that.
Strengths and resource inventory. It really touched my heart because I talked to so many women. And granted, I'm seeing women who are feeling pretty lost or feeling pretty overwhelmed or feeling pretty, you know, beaten down. But so many of them I don't think would have top of mind what their own strengths are. Yeah. And what they have to offer now they would say I got nothing, I got nothing and I don't even have like I'm not a, I don't I'm not a doctor Mallorie I don't have that skill set.
Right. There are many skill sets, by the way, that I do not have. I just happen to go to school for a really long time. But you know, we do all have those different skill sets, and we do all have unique resources that aren't about money. You know, you might have the resource of being able to create spreadsheets like nobody's business.
Right. And that can really be helpful to show a little corner of the world so helpful. I just love everything you say. I love that framework. So we will definitely share,
the personality test or the personality test. I think that's really wonderful. And let me just say, if you are feeling overwhelmed, I've got too much. This is not another thing to do.
This is how you tweak what you're already doing. We are already being mentor teachers. We are already gathering in our own way. Sometimes it's getting out of our own way. Stop thinking about ourselves, stop worrying about ourselves and just tweaking your existing life because we all are showing up in the world in some way. And when we can think outward and we can think about impact and what we're good at, it's maybe not going to a new nonprofit.
I that's not necessarily what it is, but it's what am I already doing? And I think and maybe and maybe that's the next question is what am I already doing that I can just tweak a little bit to start making a little bit more impact outside of me. Maybe it's a kind, a kind note that you send to someone.
It's calling your mom. It's reaching out to a, you know, neighbor that's elderly, like it's so it's simple. And by the way, if you are on watching Netflix or if you are on social media,
you have time.
So I think we think we don't have time because we're doomscrolling or we're busy, but it's like that will add more to your life and change your brain.
Right. Just just little tweaks to what you're already doing. So I would encourage you to not dismiss that this isn't for you. And maybe in another season it's more for you. But I do think it's for everyone right now. And just tweaking a little bit of what you're already doing. I'm so glad you bring a balance, because yes, to all of that.
and in addition to that, if you're following your framework of looking at your values and looking at your passion, what you're passionate about, I think there are some people who will find things on their plate that don't belong on their plate, for sure. And that's where you can say like, well, I'm the PTA president because so-and-so asked me to be.
but, you know, like, maybe that's not your bag and maybe that's just fine. And the other thing, like, I think we can have this. I love the title gather for impact of Your Foundation. And I think that that vision that that creates for me is this more all inclusive.
And it's it's not an empty spot and a full spot. It's all of us shifting. It's more fluid than that. So we get to say, do you know what? I'm not feeling up to being the PTA president or I'm not feeling up to going and serving my time to, you know, serve meals to the homeless or whatever. Yeah, I'm not feeling that right now.
So I'm going to shift over here 100%. And it's not right or wrong because as we shift over here, perhaps there's some other opportunity that's going to be filled in by someone who wants to serve meals to the homeless or, you know, we just I just love this this mindset of abundance and shifting instead of what's right. And what's wrong, and are you doing the right thing?
Or are you a good person or a bad person? Or like, you should do that, like, let's get rid of all of that garbage and really come back to like, what do I value? Yeah. What am I passionate about? How can I make impact with who I am and what I bring? And stop trying to do that according to some other weird dictated system of like what looks right or what what's showy or what what.
I don't even know what we what we make decisions based off of that. We think that that's going to be an expectation or. Yeah, but that's the better way to say that somehow writing someone a nice note is somehow the lesser way to serve. Like, let's just get rid of all of that and just say, I'm going to make impact in the way that I can today.
And yeah, maybe that's by going outside and making, like eye contact with someone and smiling like, absolutely. But as you do that, I think we start to rediscover ourselves and the joy it brings us. And then I'm I'm assuming you're more the expert here than I am. I make my impact in my own little corner of the world.
But it's it's a little all consuming, very impactful. But as you're doing this and seeing, I'm assuming it will snowball, you know, to have the more and more impact where you're able to find and fine tune your own gifts and strengths that you can really then do more and more, not do more and more like more on your to do list?
No, but make more impact that's meaningful to you and meaningful to those around you. You're exactly right. When you're sitting on the PTA, I will never be on my kid's PTA. I do not lean in on my kids school at all. Zero your thing. It's not my thing. And to say that phrase up. Yeah. One mental bandwidth to like, shame and guilt, you know.
So there's so many things where it's like, I don't do my kids school is oversubscribed. It just is. There's lots of moms that want help. I'm going to go out to schools and communities that have zero parent involvement so I can. It doesn't even take up space in my brain when I know that's a clear no. I can say I don't do that.
I don't show off in that way, and then I can spend my time here, which gives me a lot more time to, yeah, be be thoughtful and intentional about where I'm spending every time I think and where I'm really trying to move women with this and then we can move on is where service and this as duty. I think so much of what we do and what you just talked about is duty.
And I want to move us over to like service and impact as joy. And that's when we are doing something that speaks to our that makes our soul sing. You're not because we're supposed to be on the PTA. Like, don't be on the PTA, you know? Yeah, I love that. Will you share or do we need to do it?
Exactly. Yeah, exactly.
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Will you share something that may be a little personal? I think that
one of the things that I see come up around this conversation is
this idea of, if I don't do that, then, like, I'm not nice or that I'm being selfish, right? This this guilt. How what has been your journey? I'm sure some of this is just a little bit of your personality, but if you can share, how did you hone this ability to say, like, not my thing, and I'm okay with that?
Yeah, because I do think it frees up space. The more we think, like, I hate doing this and it's not my thing, but I'm going to keep doing it. We don't even have time to innovate or come up with new ways to impact that could be really unique and needed. So what has been your journey, if any, to develop that to to be able to let go some of that burdensome garbage thought that keeps us so occupied and so much guilt and so much shame?
Yeah, I think once again, this freedom of saying I don't do it like everybody else and actually and knowing not, you know, it takes some time to know that. But knowing that if you show up in this way, it's actually not the best thing that you could be doing. You could be elsewhere. I think the whole Brené Brown clear is kind.
I really believe in when someone's like, you know, I, I've looked for, you know, other families to help mentor refugee families. And I think when it comes back at you the other way and people are clear and kind to you, and I remember saying, I'm looking for mentors. If this is not your season of life, like, this is not about just this Christmas.
This is about a long standing friendship and relationship with these with these refugee families. And I had so many of my good friends say, this is not for me right now. I was so grateful that they weren't kind of like, now, one thing, you know what? I think as women, we're trying to be nice and we're trying to hedge, and it's like the clear and the clear.
They were to me and saying, this is not my season of life. Maybe another time, or whether it's PTA or the low, you know, whatever the local thing, it's like, this is actually not my time for this. I so appreciate you asking. I'm happy to share it with other friends if you think that that would be helpful for me in my life.
This just doesn't like fit. Yeah, as the sooner we can say that and be very clear, I think it's when we're a little wishy washy or we're trying to be not like the nice is so harmful, I think, as we're trying to be nice for women, because when you can have clear conversations and say, this is not for me, or try me again, or let me help, because we also want to be helpful.
And so it's like, I'm not good on the PTA right now, but I know some awesome women. If you want some suggestions.
But I think, you know, my mom was always very like, this is the kind of mom I am, and I do this, and I do this. And I saw her live in this very authentic life.
Even though the women around her were from the Bay Area in California, the women around her were mothering in a different way, and she owned the kind of mother she was.
And I'm like, no one talked about her because she just owned it. She's like, yeah, this is what I do. This is how I do it. And so, you know, I remember my daughter was three months old and I was like, I cannot I was like 28 years old.
I'm like, I cannot do this. This is the worst. You know, I just like, couldn't it was so hard being a mom. So I got a little grandma in my neighborhood, and I told all my friends, my daughter is tiny and I'm giving her to our friend Marley a couple days a week and I'm taking a break. No one did that.
No one did that. But I owned it, I said it, I and then it's like, oh, that's just what Christian does. And so I think the more
kind of the quicker we can kind of just say it
and then own it and say like, this isn't my life. And by the way, I have a lot of I'm always asking women to do stuff, and I have a lot of women tell me, and they always have to expand.
Like, you don't even have to explain. Just let me know. It's not your time. And I'm actually so grateful. So I think when you're on the other side and say, oh, I'm actually grateful when people say no and they're clear about it, then you realize when I do that, it's actually only helping. And then like even helping a relationship or a friendship.
Yeah. I'm hearing you talk just about it sounds so grounded. It sounds like you come from a place of being grounded. It goes back to that same framework of knowing your value system. What do you value? And I would imagine, correct me if I'm wrong, that nice is not the number one value that you're operating through. And why.
Like it's not that nice isn't a good thing. But like it's certainly not the primary thing, right? We would way rather be loving which loving isn't always nice per se, right? Like sometimes loving is direct and honest and so understanding what your value system is, and it sounds like part of your value system is operating in truth and understanding you and understanding your needs and your limits.
And that in some ways I could see that on paper being interpreted as like, well, that's a little selfish or that's a little that, but look how much it's freed you up. Yeah. Like by getting rid of that garbage, it's freed you up to say, but this is who I am. And like you said earlier, and again, this is going a little personal, but I think it's important.
I think it's important to understand that as we understand who we are. And like you said earlier, the the negative things, my weaknesses, maybe I get a little attention when it comes up, but like, I'm not going to keep focusing there because if I focus there, then I'm going to focus there. It got to say, why would you do that?
Right? That's going to take up my time. It's going to take my energy. It's going to take up my emotions. Instead, I get to focus on what I want to be. Yeah, and how I want to grow and the impact I want to make and the the personality traits that I do have that I'm super proud of. Yeah, I, I hope that we, as women can learn that to spend more time in that and look at the good that can come of that is when you start making impact in your own little corner of the world, because you're not so worried about doing it the way that you're supposed to do, or the the way
that someone told you you should. Yeah. And there's a there's a lot of that of this is how it's always been done or I'm breaking the mold or this is what my neighborhood does. And I moved to Utah 18 years ago, and right off the bat, I did it differently. And so I think that set me up for like, I break the mold, I'm a disrupter.
And I kind of took that on and I kind of love it. But I can see how if you've been living in this way, that to to start that in middle age would probably be hard. Yeah, but doable. But do it. It doesn't have to look like the way you're doing you know. Yeah. It's the best. Yeah. Yeah.
This is so great. So shifting gears a little bit, tell us a little bit about this idea of gathering because you, you named your foundation gather for impact. And we've talked a lot about impact and how to find your own way of making impact. Talk to us about the importance of gathering and why you came up with that name.
And also what what is that importance for you in the work that you do and, and what you're hoping to inspire other women to do? Yeah. So I, I tested the name for about a year, and I thought everything I do is I'm gathering and I and I, it's gathering because it's like it's it's happening. Right. It's happening all the time.
It's like an active word and then for impact and, and I used to have this notion like, every needs to come to my staff and my service projects and my stuff up on the Capitol, you know, and and then I realized, wait, that's actually not what I want. And yes, I want people to come to my stuff, but I actually want women to figure out how they want to make impact.
So then let's gather. And so I do lots of different things. I bring nonprofit leaders together once a quarter so that they can talk and network and see what's going on. And the magic that's happened when you just bring people together is absolutely incredible. Now I'm doing a lot of gathering with women, and everything I have so far has like, you know, 400 women that register within 24 hours.
And you just once again, this eagerness of coming together of what does this next season look like? Oh, there's other women that feel like this too. You know, I'm not alone. And I think because of philanthropy and different things that I do, I could do a lot of it on my own.
I could be one woman that kind of goes out and it's like, but I think that the real, you know, when you can bring other women along with you, that is what is so important.
Whether it's telling your story of what you're going through or,
or sharing, you know, sharing stories with each other or literally inviting them to gather, we are so I actually just hosted like a gathering. It was around the hall before Thanksgiving, and it was, the art of gathering. And once again, I felt the sense of women are getting stuck
in, actually just the act of gathering.
And their house isn't good enough. They're waiting until this. And what I have found is
we just need to gather anyways. And I put up a lot of things. You know, I did this interfaith dinner the other night, and I burnt the lasagna and like, a lot of lasagna and I'd like 60 people at my house. I just kept joking, come have my overcommitted lasagna.
Like no one cared that my lasagna was burnt. You know, no one cared that my, you know, baseboards weren't clean. And so I think we get so in our heads that were so worried about everybody else and no one cares. People just want to be invited. And I think between social media and the comparison game and all of that stuff, it's like our lives will never measure up if we're going to, you know, do wait till it's the best it can be to invite people into our home, into our lives.
It could be just gathering. Maybe a gathering is a woman asking another woman to go on a walk, you know? And so I think when we come together, we invite other people to come with us in whatever it is that we want to do.
The ripple effects are absolutely incredible. I have a
a story, which is kind of this like tweaking of what you're already doing, where I had a friend down in Utah County, I was trying to get a whim, a group of women together to come to the the Children's Hospital, and my friend was going to be out of town and she's like, oh, I'm not going to be there.
And I'm like, well, who do you know? And she sent me all of these women who she knew, who had kids that had been sick, can use the hospital. And so the Ronald McDonald lunch, I had ten women sitting around a table that inherently cared about sick children and Primary Children's Hospital and what it's done for them. This, this, my friend, was not the lunch she did like that is tweaking what you're already doing and saying, let me help you in some way.
I know a lot of people. So she gave me a list of women. And then the ripple effect of what those women sitting around the table will then show up and help and spread the word. It is incredible. And that was just like, here's a couple of women's names to go to this lunch that may care about this so it doesn't have to be serving at a homeless shelter.
It's about gathering in in our best way. We know how. And it's going to look different for you, and it's going to look different for me. And I think it's really stopping that. As soon as you see yourself comparing, say, like. And when people like, I'm not invited, I'm like, me too. Well, I'm not. I'm like, me too, right?
Like all of us. We're never going to always be included. We're never going to always be at everything. So that's the clue in my mind. If you're triggered, like, could never do it like her gather. Yeah. Oh, I could never do it like that. I'm not invited. Gather like to me, the only way to
you know, change your brain is plan a gathering.
Ask someone to lunch. Ask someone on a walk. Gosh, I love that. I think that's such a good, such a good point. And especially coming out of the year 2020, right, that that really wrecked so many people, I think. Will you just comment on I know that it's a little bit off topic, but I think it's important because I think a lot of people with the pandemic and with the restrictions and with suddenly we were all turning inside, I think we're still seeing some repercussions of that.
And I think some of that is in introverts that might well, like myself, that finally had permission to be home and to stay small and to not be outside of ourselves. And then also some extroverts who were forced to stay small and now can't quite figure out how to get back to their their healthy exposure to other people.
Well, you talk about what you think the effects of that are, and maybe more so, like, how can people kind of get back to it? I know it was years ago, but I still think unless you disagree, I think it's still people are still trying to get their wheels turning. And yeah, I think it's practice. I think it's getting uncomfortable.
That's what I realize. Where I find comfort and fulfillment is where a lot of women find discomfort. Yeah. And so, for instance, this gathering event, I had multiple women that came up to me and said, I woke up this morning and I wasn't going to go. I was coming alone. And I laid in bed, and then something inside of me was like, you need to go.
And they're like, And I'm here and they're in tears, you know? And that happens at every event I throw. And I think, but this is so amazing. This is so great. Don't you want 300 friends around you? And it's like the answer is no. Yeah. Not always. And it's not always 300 friends. But but the point is, is that it's going to be uncomfortable.
And if it's uncomfortable and you go do something and you're like, that felt terrible. And you and it did, you know, it's like bad vibes or whatever. Like listen to that. Yeah. But I would think generally, at least from my experience, when it's some things I've done, it's like this was so uncomfortable and I am so glad I came like that one woman was speaking to me like, I know why I was here.
And so if you go away and it's whatever it is that you are uncomfortable, you do it anyways. Whether it's inviting people over or attending or whatever. Responding, engaging and engaging is really, really important. Showing up,
write it down afterwards. Like that felt so good. I had the best time. That woman was. I mean, the amount of people say she was speaking right to me.
Like, I know you know what I'm like. I love that they felt that way. So I was uncomfortable. I didn't want to go, but it felt so good. So that the next time it's just repetition, right? It's just like, oh, I okay, I remember I didn't want to go last time. I had the best time. And it doesn't mean you go to everything.
Jeremy and I say no to like three quarters of the stuff we're invited to. We just can't do it. So it's not saying go above and beyond, but if it's like I want to do that, you know, that's where you're like, that's actually interesting to me. I would want to go to that. But something's stopping you. That's where I would do it anyways.
Yeah, get in the discomfort and then say, oh my gosh, I felt so good. Or that was really hard. It was still really hard the whole way through, but I'm still glad I went.
I think it's practice and faking it. I don't know how you feel about faking it, but sometimes it's like showing up and you're like, oh no, it's actually I actually kind of had some fun.
So and then like, we're, you know, reaching out to your introvert friends and making sure, I don't know, I'm the extrovert of extrovert, so I can't even understand that. But I have kids that are, you know, a little bit more.
And a husband, by the way, you definitely is a little bit more introverted. Well, I think I use the same,
advice in physical health is there is some nuance here.
There is the nuance of like we talked so much about like trust yourself, listen to yourself, do what you feel is best. But if we do that too much, then we will go smaller and smaller, right? Because we're playing it safe. And so there is sort of a combination. There's this balance between listen to yourself. But my theory is that there you can come to know the different voices in your head.
Right. And there's the voice in your head that's like, don't do that. Yeah. And that's the one that you listen to, right? There's the one that's like, slow it down, stop running or stop exercising at 4 a.m. without eating before that. Right. Like there's sometimes this voice that's like, come on, like, don't do that. But there's also a different tone of voice in our head that's like, I don't want to go and interrupt, but I kind of want to want this.
I kind of should, which is a different kind of should than I should because I feel guilty. Yes, you kind of have to come to know these different voices. And the good point, if it's coming from a place of guilt, then I say throw it out the window 99% of the time. Yeah, but if it's that other kind of little nudging, that's like, I kind of want to or yeah, I kind of don't want to, but like, it's, it's good.
Yeah. That's the one that we push through. That's the time that we, we do make ourselves uncomfortable. And then like you said, it's a science experiment to say like, I did this. I didn't want to. Yeah. This is the outcome that I had. And I've got to remember that. Yeah. And then also learning. So. So say you push through and you go to the big event and you're like, I didn't want to come.
I didn't get anything out of it. Yeah I knew I didn't want to come. Well you've just learned totally. Next time you invite three friends for lunch and you keep it small, or you go to a book club, yes, you know, you. But. But by putting yourself out and stretching yourself so that you do come to know yourself a little bit more, I think it's really good advice.
Absolutely. And I listen to you. And aren't all of us doing this to our kids for our kids? Yeah, every single day. Come on. You know, you're like, come on, try this out. New soccer season. And that's where I think it was around the the break when I did my first break from bold and bringing these women together and helping them with, with kind of overall wellness is I sat there and I'm watching all of my friends, it was back to school and it was like, okay, back to school, shopping, back to school.
This. And I thought, we are all so, you know, it's like it's just so ingrained in us to get our kids ready for back to school. And really for moms, it can kind of be our new year, right? The kids are back in school. It's and like, what have we done to be intentional?
are we intentional about like what does this new year look like for us?
And we were so like false forts and oh, I'm at football every day and that's it. And it's like, wait, so what are you doing as the mom, the wife, whatever that is, and being intentional and I feel like we are always pushing our kids go to the party, sit by the night, you know, sit by the kid that doesn't have any friends.
But at what age do we start pushing ourselves to expand all we're doing? Our kids getting our kids to do is exploring ideas. VH okay, I think that's exactly right. And some of us are like, you know, we do. We can't help but expand. But that's that's not normal.
yeah. That's such a good point. I heard recently, I can't remember what it was.
Something like we are our own worst boss. Like, if we treated our employees like we treat ourselves like, don't you deserve a break? Like the business would never run. And so I think that's so good. We do tell our kids that and, like, it'll be great. You'll see. And then they go, and we were right. We're like, see, we were back.
And then we question it at home. Yeah, exactly. Well, will you give us some hands on tips for people who really they've gone through this, right? They know where their passions are. They know what their values are and they're like, great. I want to get involved in I'm passionate about skiing. I'm passionate about art. I'm passionate about old, older, elderly people, you know, whatever it is.
Yeah. They found their passion. How did they then? They know their giving personality. They know their resources. Sometimes that I can see how that would create the package. Right. Like now there's there's my path. Yeah. What are some other tips that you have for directly how people can start to discover and then make their own impact? Yeah. So that's a really great question.
Kind of that actionable takeaway. And so what I would do is start getting curious about that direction. Skiing unified sports. It could be, you know, any of these things. Let's, let's call it
like, you know, unified sports where it's like, kids with special needs, you know, sports. So, okay, I care a lot about kids in sports with special needs.
So I would start following things on Instagram. I would log on like, I would look it up. What are some nonprofits in Utah? I would go on to their websites. I would start subscribing to some of the newsletters I would see like, oh, and social media is such a great way, right? So it's like, oh, I see that the National Ski Ability Center is doing a big thing, you know, in two weeks.
And so I would go to that and what you'll find is once you're involved in whatever it is that you are particularly caring about, it could even be the Great Salt Lake. Like, you'll actually be astounded how many things are going on around different issues or initiatives. Once you go and then you're like, oh, when I met this guy and he does this and he invited me to do this.
And what I find is that the the world, the world that you care about and then extensions
of it, and maybe that's where you'll end up. It's maybe not always where you start. You're like, actually, I don't care about skiing as much. I actually love the basketball program because that's in every school. And then you start following that, and then in two years you're like, oh, and then I learned from this woman that they're actually expanding in rural Utah, you know?
So what's so neat about expansion and curiosity is the world is your oyster to learn and grow and be curious and just take it all in and just try to do your little part. And maybe it's just attending events, maybe it's going to a race, maybe it's calling your school and saying, do you guys have a unified sports program?
Oh, you don't like? And then if you're like, well, I'm never going to start it, that's fine. Go back to the ski race. You know, like once again, don't be like, oh, that's that, you know. So really checking in with yourself, following it, you have to show up. You have to show up. You guys like showing up to things is so important.
Whether it's an event, whether it's I don't know what it is, but you can't do it behind your computer screen. You're never going to find the richness and the magic of making impact and showing up in your life. So I would say continue to show up, continue to be curious. You know, I look out when I,
the Utah Period project is a couple of years ago when the policy project and I got free period products into all schools.
And I'm going to tell you how that happened. Okay. Listen to this.
So on a Wednesday afternoon, I want like we have a intentional culture of service in our family. On a Wednesday afternoon once a month, we would go to kids eat and we would do backpacks like weekend backpacks. So once a month we would go and one month.
So we're there and it's, you know, a little bit of duty, but it's good we're there. And they say, do you want to sponsor a school? And so I said, sure. My, you know, refugee family goes there. So I sponsor a school, I show up, I show up to the school. And then I say, and I'm curious, I'm learning more.
And I'm like, well, I did the backpacks, but what do you guys need? And I'm like, oh my gosh, there's so much need at this middle school. How can I help? How can you know? More curious, asking questions, showing up. I couldn't do it from my house. Right? So I'm on the back of a truck hoisting frozen turkeys at this middle school in Murray, when a social worker, Courtney Nolan, turns to me.
And by the way, Wednesday afternoon and I'm on the back of a truck and she's like, this is great. But what I really need are period products for my kids, for my girls. And I'm like, you do? Like, I'd never heard of period poverty. So then, I mean, so the story is long. So then I go to the, you know, the food bank.
I say, what are you guys doing for period products? And then I said, well, how can I help? Can I help raise money? So I kept showing up. I kept asking questions, I kept being curious. I had no, I have an IUD and I can get a period, you know, like, this is not it's not my thing, like periods.
It's not my thing. But it became my thing because I kept getting curious, asking questions I was uniquely capable of like, you know, and then, you know, partner with Emily Bell McCormick. And then we went up to Capitol and said, well, this is great. We have them in 220 pantries across the state, but we need them in schools.
So we went up and we talked and we were curious. So like one Wednesday afternoon, packing backpacks led because of curiosity and interest and and b laging showing up and expansion. I was not trying to say, let's this is all we're going to do. It was like, I want more. I want more, I want to learn more. Not because I'm like uniquely qualified, but I'm just there.
And so this incredible thing where every single girl in Utah now have has access to free period products in their bathroom is because a couple of women were just curious and kept asking questions. Yeah, it's like a silly example, but it is. It is how? Honestly. Example. No, it's not silly at all. It's a magical example. I think it's an amazing thing, and especially because it wasn't something it it came to you and you were willing and you were able and you were capable and true.
I think that you could have said no, and that would have been okay, too, and someone else would have come along, you know, but you didn't. And so it turned into this wonderful, lovely thing, which really leads me to say, how do you. Because once you do get into this world of service and philanthropy, I'm sure you know more about the needs of of our area than most people do.
Right? How do you keep from feeling discouraged by it and feeling overwhelmed? Like, I can only make these small differences and there's so much that needs to happen. How do you keep that imbalance? Yeah, I think it's helpful that I have a family of my own. You know, I have six kids, and so I know that I can't solve the world's problem.
I can do a little bit. And then I come back home and I try to solve all the problems at home. And so I think having a little bit, you know, whether it's a job and, and go out, you know, that in life like you're going to give all you can, but then you also have to, you know, there was a time in my life for the last couple of years, I was giving way too much to like the community and not enough in my home.
And so kind of that balance of like, I can do all I can do. I remember, just recently, you know, miles from here, driving from a
high school football game down to a girl who was, you know, 18, in a domestic violence situation, was got pregnant again. And I'm like, life is not fair.
You know, like I just was like, how are you? Like, I was almost mad, like, how are these people at a football game Friday Night Lights? Like, who even cares about that when this is happening? Two miles from us. And I was bawling my eyes out and like, life was embarrassed. And then I thought, we need Friday Night lights.
We need Friday night football games. And this happens and like and both are okay. And the yin and the yang of I can do as much as I can. And that's kind of my day job now. But also I can go on a vacation with my family like it's trying to solve the like the hard and and then also have the joy.
And I find the joy in coming together is I can bring women to different things, and not all of us have have a platform to do that. But there's been things where I brought families to the,
the Christmas box house. I can't be at the Christmas box house every day. I think they're our most vulnerable kids. They've been taken out of their homes.
They have no one like it. Tears at my heart every single day. But I brought friends there. And now some of those friends have stayed and they continue to help. And so I, I find that my job is to shine a light and use my megaphone to talk about a lot of things, and hopefully bring other families like I need other people to show up.
None of us can do it alone. And so when we look at it like just doing our piece, it's it's so important. And then hopefully we're raising kids who do their little piece. But I think you, you and it can be so you know, I worked on childhood sexual abuse prevention and it like literally almost broke me because that's so pervasive.
But like, I can do all I can do. I'm only one woman. And so knowing that, like, you've given it, you know, I talked about on Instagram the other day, like you're offering like I give my offering. That's all I can do, you know? And so I think and I'm actually really good at saying that is all I can do, because I know when it's too much, then you can't give anything.
No, it's actually it actually is,
not good for my family. And so it's a, it's a balance and it's and you're creating that balance every day. Yeah. And I think by being rooted in your sense of self and in your values and in all of that, the more rooted and grounded you are, the better you're going to be at recognizing that until like, oh, crossed that line.
Yes, yes. Well, you I actually think that would be really helpful because I do think
there's so many women that are across the spectrum, some who aren't doing things that they want to do, right. They want to be more involved. But there are just as many women on the other side that are overextending themselves, and they may feel like I am making an impact.
And now they're listening and they're like, okay, I'm going to keep making an impact, but it's killing me and it's killing my family. Yeah. Would you share your personal experience with recognizing how you crossed over into going too far? And how what how did you know and how did you recognize that? And how did you correct? Yeah. The first thing I would ask the woman who's doing too much or who's like, I'm going to add this to what I'm already doing in my plates already.
So fall is is what you're doing duty or is what you're doing joy? Because if you're doing things out of duty, that's like your impact, your help, you're actually not making the impact you would if you were doing it out of joy. And by the way, as women, we're always going to have duty, right? Like like families duty.
There's a lot of duty. But when you're filling your plate with more and more and more duty, especially in this middle age of life, I would ask yourself, am I doing this out of duty or out of joy? And sometimes the answer is duty, and that's fine. Yeah, but if we can cross more into like, you know, the PTA example of like the PTA does not bring me joy.
The PTA is just another thing that's on my plate. And I have ten more things, and it's all duty. And this is not what I like. Try to try to, you know, try to offset some that there's some that we can't. But I would say that so
one thing I would say is I think
I know that our kids are watching us.
So I grew up from a mom who took care of herself, who said, I want to go on a run in the morning. I need help with driving. I have four kids.
She traveled with my dad. She took care of herself. She got help. And so I watched a woman who took care of her own needs and said, this is the kind of mom I am.
I'm not going to try to fake it, and I'm going to get the help I need or whatever that may be. So I grew up feeling like I am going to take care of myself. I'm going to make sure that my needs are met. I'm going to get help when I need it. I'm going to tell my husband when I need a break like I do.
I have never maybe early on in marriage I played the victim, but like haven't for a very, very long time. So it's like, this is the kind of wife I am. This is the kind of mom I am. I'm not a stay home and play on the Legos kind of mom, or one that's home all day and like, this is great.
I'm just waiting for my kids to come home from school. I if I showed up that way because a lot of moms are like that, I would be miserable. I'd be miserable for my kids, I'd be miserable for my spouse. And so I knew, like, I need to have things out of the home. So I think you go from having six kids, being home still.
I was always engaged and that helped a lot. So there wasn't this big transition where now I can leave the house. You know, I was in book clubs, I hosted, I gathered, so I went from six kids home more than I would like because I don't generally like to be home a lot to then going on the total flip side.
So total 180. And I was gone and I was doing a lot of policy work, and I was in meetings and just doing stuff all the time, and I was obsessed with it, and I was doing good, right? I was doing so much good. And then that was, you know, quite a few years and then, you know, my oldest is now a junior in high school and my twin boys are eight.
And I'm like, oh my gosh, I have a year before my daughter leaves. And funny enough, it was I. I wrote a cookbook, comes out on Mother's Day, I wrote a good book, and I was home cooking more, and I sat there one day and I was supposed to be like at a policy meeting. And I'm like, this is just as important.
I was back in the kitchen and it wasn't like, I'm a woman back in the kitchen. I should be doing policy. I meant I was like, I actually love this part of me. I love cooking for my family. So then it started me to come back to the middle, where I'm still very engaged in the community, but I'm also home more, right?
It was it was almost a sense of like urgency of my family's growing up so fast. But it was I think I had to have the very the spectrum of it felt like a ball and chain with six kids. And I know that's weird that I have six kids to say that, but it's true. And then the other end where I'm like, I have not been home all week, and I'm traveling again and oh my gosh, I'm not home again.
And feeling like that's not right either to coming back to the middle. So I think actually being on both sides is not bad. It's coming back to the middle and saying, this is what feels right, and I still miss things. I'm still not at everything. I'm not a typical, you know, where in Utah. I'm not a typical Utah mom who's like, this is all I do.
I have a lot of stuff, but it feels really good for me and my family. And that's the key is to figure out what works best for you and to be in tune with it enough. And I also like the idea of being allowed to course correct, you know, to say like, okay, I tried this and it's not working.
I think sometimes we
maybe as women, but at least as some rigid thinkers, like, I'm a little more of a rigid thinker of like, okay, I'm going to figure out this system and it's going to be the forever system, which means, kids, you're not allowed to change or grow because of the system, right? Right. And so we really have to anticipate the idea of things changing at different stages of life and different, different stages of our lives as moms and as our kids and marriage and all of these different, different stages.
I think being able to say like, oh, maybe I need to change things, maybe I need to look at it differently. And I think that's okay. Yeah. The best advice I ever got. When I had had my twins, they were like two weeks old and I was driving down to Provo for a dance competition for my oldest daughter, and I'm like, they're two weeks old.
Like, I couldn't figure out. And a mom said, you will never find balance in a day and you may
never find create balance in a week. Maybe look at two weeks, look at your month. And that was because it's like every day you're like, you know, some days I'm like, I'm gone all day. And then Jeremy and I have an event.
So if I look at that day, it's so off balance. But if I look at the week, then I say, okay, so Friday night we're going to be home and we're not going to go out, and on Sunday we're going to make sure that. So our days are going to be off balance, right. Like, yeah, our weeks could be off balance are times that we travel or this.
And so it's like when I go, okay I know next week because I'm going to be home. I'm going to be more present at home next week because I was out of town all last week. So that helps me say it's not an A day. It's generally not even in a week. But if I look at a month, I want to try to keep my month fairly balanced.
That's good advice. It's helped so much for me. Yeah, yeah, because you can and I think we react to the day, right? Yes. Those days where it feels so out of balance, we feel like terrible moms and we feel like terrible people. And we're like, this has got to change and revamp everything. Yeah. But if you can look at it more holistically, then you'll you can make those small tweaks you're talking about.
Yeah, I love it
Well, Kristin, let me ask you one more question. What? Just to kind of cap this off with, what is your message for women here? If you can kind of summarize it, what is your message that you just hope that women listening to this will hear about making an impact or just in general that you hope is the message that they take from this?
Yeah, I would say just looking outside of ourselves, we have so much hard stuff, right? There's hard stuff with kids. There's hard stuff in marriage, there's hard stuff in the world. But the more I truly believe that, the more we look outside of ourselves, whether it's little acts of kindness or bigger things, we will become whole. We will heal.
We will become happier. We will find more fulfillment and joy than spending time worrying, spending time concerned about things. You know, if you start kind of spiraling into, oh, and then this daughter and what's going to happen with him, you know, I would say go, go and serve and do something. Go ask, go ask a friend to go on a walk.
Get get outside of yourself. And it's we hear it all the time. But I think especially now when we want to contract, we want to go. When things are hard, we don't want to talk about it. That's the time when maybe we need to and invite someone else along. And you never know how that's going to change your day, how that's going to change their day.
And that's how we expand just a little bit at a time. And so, you know, as soon as you start going inward and you start noticing that thought pattern, break it up, say, I'm going to gather, I'm an invite a friend on a walk, I'm going to host a dinner. Start looking outward and you will change someone else's life and you'll also change yours.
Well, thank you so much. There's so much talk. I feel like right now about boundaries. And know your limits and listen to your, you know, set your set your standards for yourself. And those are all really good things and really good pieces of advice. But it is a spectrum. And sometimes we do need to push outside of that and not set more boundaries and not set more limits, but really to kind of free ourselves.
So I'm really happy for your perspective, and I think it will help a lot of people get started. I think it's it is going to be tempting listening to you, especially towards the end as you started talking about all the wonderful things that you've been involved with. It's going to be so tempting for people to listen and be like, oh, what other advice could she give me?
What? I wonder what program she knows about. And I do want to draw their attention, because I think you would agree back to that framework of finding the way that they can make the impact, and not looking for the resources that you've figured out along the way, although you are a great resource for that. But to to go do a little bit of the legwork to first do the legwork of self, to figure out how you want to make an impact and then to let that lead you to that, that thing that needs you, instead of looking for the person who's already involved in something and then joining that.
Not that there's anything. Yeah, yeah. But to give yourself permission to say, like, I want to be involved in my thing, you know, and make my thing or find the thing that's already started that I can really contribute to. Absolutely. And if you really want to do something right away, I always say around the holidays, there's so much going on.
So what did you do over the holidays? Maybe follow that path for a little bit, because I'll tell you, these vulnerable families that we most of us help with during the holidays, they're still having a hard time in February and March and April and July. So even if it's like, I have no idea. But I loved doing that little service project with my kids.
Follow that. It's a great way to start, I love that, I love that, tell people how they can find you and follow you, and also where they can learn more about gather for impact. Yeah. So, just mostly on Instagram, Kristin Andrus and then I do have a very new website gathering for impact.org,
And what's great is on there you'll see the giving personality quiz. And you may you may link it as well. There is a resource hub which gives like a lot of different nonprofits and all different sectors that you might be interested in if you're if you're local in Utah, but lots of things nationwide as well.
And then I actually had this 12 months of giving where if you are in Utah, I have a hands on family service project for all of us to at once a month.
So you never have an excuse not to show up with your kids, whether they're 0 or 18 and, show up in the community and learn more about what we're doing. So many wonderful things. Thank you so much for being here. This is awesome. Thank you so much.
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